When someone has hurt you, offended you, or disappointed you – whether intentionally or accidentally – the pain may last long after the incident. Often the pain turns into resentment, that acidic indignation that slowly eats away at relationships. Or sometimes the resentment bubbles over into full-fledged revenge, compelling you to “get even”, seek retribution, or inflict harm on your transgressors.
Throughout the journey of life, upsets are likely going to happen along the way. So, how can you accept them without letting resistance, resentment, and revenge taking over your life?
By practicing forgiveness.
It’s easy to resent someone and hold a grudge. Forgiveness, however, may take effort. The more you practice it, the easier it becomes to develop an attitude of forgiveness, and move through the process of forgiving those who have hurt you.
Here are 3 keys to guide you in forgiving:
1. Understand that forgiveness does not excuse or condone your transgressor’s behavior. Many people don’t want to forgive because they feel as though it validates the words or actions of those who have hurt them. On the contrary, forgiveness frees you from the negative feelings associated with those words or actions. Forgiveness does not make the other person right; it simply release’s that person’s hold over you.
2. Consider the prices you’ve paid by not forgiving. What has it cost your relationships? Your health? Your finances? your time? When you look at the price you pay for holding onto resentment, you realize that resentment isn’t poisoning your transgressors, it’s poisoning you. This can make it easier to release the power those who have hurt you have on your life.
3. Forgiveness is for you. Different people have different ways of forgiving. Some people want to express it to those they are forgiving, either by writing it or speaking it. Some people do not wish to verbalize it in any way. They may choose to consciously, actively forgive, yet not express it. Some find solace in writing it in a diary, singing it in a song, or by any other means of artistic expression. The point is that you get to decide what it looks like based on what feels right for you.
Forgiveness is not always easy. The benefits of forgiveness, greater peace of mind, improved health, and happier relationships, however, do make it worth the effort.
Even in the happiest and healthiest of relationships, there are going to be upsets from time to time. Learning to clear those upsets and move forward without any residual resentment is the key to keeping your relationships in a state of growth. Follow this 3-step process to easily improve your relationships.
1. Acknowledge How You Feel
When you experience an emotion that you consider negative, take the time to get the the root of the upset and acknowledge what you feel and why you feel that way. For example, if you’re upset with a friend who is constantly late, you may feel disrespected because it feels as though she does not value your time. The more clear you are, the easier it will be to communicate your feelings. Continue reading Responsibly Clearing Upsets…
Navigating Relationships During the Holidays
When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. ~Donald Miller
The holidays can be a crazy time of the year for everyone, and sometimes the entire point of the holidays – connecting with loved ones – can be overlooked. It can be difficult to juggle all of the events taking place, along with decorating, shopping, and other holiday tasks. If this year you are determined to do something different and connect with your friends and loved ones on a deeper level…join us on this PSI Seminars call to learn a few tips to help you stay focused on what really is important this holiday season.
Learn success secrets from a very special couple on how they have applied some of the tools from the PSI Basic Seminar to their relationship and learned to enjoy the holidays together. Continue reading PSI Teleseminar December 11th, 2012…